The Perfect Love Hate Relationship

Have you ever heard the term soul-mates? Soul-mates are supposed to be our perfect partner, lover and friend. I heard this term used many times to describe people who were greatly in love with one another, even though I have felt this in my life before I have never actually seen it until 2013.

These are my Grandparents Larry and Laura

They were married for over 60 for over years. This is their story.

Their marriage was arranged by their parents, He was 16 and she was 13.

I know right! But I guess that's how they did things back then. 

Larry Had a big huge clan sized family and Laura had none she was orphaned at a young age being passed from aunts and uncles, so being married was the closest thing she had to a real family.

They worked on carnivals, you know that game where you try and get the ping pong ball in a bowl and win a gold fish? Yea, that was Larry and Laura running that game at county fairs and carnivals all over the US.

Laura was beautiful. When you asked Larry why he married her, he would say because she looked Elizabeth Taylor. I personally don't see it, but I get the Idea.

They had a total of five children two girls and three boys. My dad being the eldest son.

They had a good life, very family oriented. But it wasn't peaceful.

Laura had a hard time with Larry.

Larry liked to gamble a lot and most of the time it would hurt the family financially.

So they did what all Yugoslavians do, they got loud.

As they got older these arguments became very funny to us the grand children.

For us it was like watching an old episode of the honeymooners or the three stooges.

We would sit back and watch the old folks yell it out, the things they would say would be hilarious.

We often had to hide our laughter because we didn't want any heat from the old lady.

But they weren't funny to their own children.

Larry in the shower cap was always cooking. I remember his breakfast OMG!! The potatoes!

Larry was the kind of guy that would cook and wake you up with a sausage on a fork waving in your face saying "come eat bulla" that was his way of saying babe, or cutie.

His favorite line was "bulla you" while sticking his tongue out at you.

He was strong, we seen him do things that men don't do.

He has lifted a car, He built a house, He carried and lifted boxes that men younger then he could not do.

Larry suffered a stroke when I was young, so to me he always walked with a limp and his hand was always stuck in a claw like shape. But he was pop and to me he was perfect.

I used to sleep in the middle of them and sometimes at their heads.

Larry and Laura had over 15 grandchildren and 10 plus great grandchildren.

During their marriage Larry would leave because that was the only solution to keep the peace.

He was always their for holidays and special occasions and days when he was just around.

He had a strong work ethic and if you didn't do what he said you were in trouble. 

Sometimes it felt like we lived on a farm, but without the animals and fields.

We worked as long as the sun was up. Laundry, Cooking, Cleaning for the girls.

Cleaning the Garage, Yard and Pool for the boys.

Saying no to chores was not an option.

Laura Loved shopping. She would always take us with her, didn't matter what she bought but as long as she bought something. She always had the latest gadgets, we had a VCR when no one knew what a VHS tape was. A giant Big screen TV that was enclosed in wood with doors, yes its an eye soar now, but back then it was cool. Always had the hottest cell phone, even though she never knew how to work them. She was very fancy and made sure we had the best of everything always.

He biggest thing with us girls was to be a Lady. Never to allow anyone the chance to think or say anything negative about us. To be perfect hosts and guests.

She battled with her weight over the years, always on a diet. She loved clothes and fashion and when she couldn't dress herself she dress us. We were her dolls. She used to custom make our dresses for social occasions with matching shoes and all the frills.

She also taught us to never be afraid of who we are. To always be proud and that family comes first above all else. We always thought she was to smothering and she always wanted us near and never allowed us to grow. In reality she didn't want us to be swallowed up by the world.

Yes she had her selfish ways, but when it came to love, she always said fight for it.

Stand your ground and fight for it against people place and time always fight for love.

I never understood how a woman who fought with her husband all the time can tell me to fight for love.

They couldn't even eat without arguing about how much bread Larry was eating.

So what was she talking about?

Larry never walked into the house without a cake or flowers for Mama. That's what they called each other Mama and Pappa.  They became the only family they knew, they did grow up with one another after all.

When one of the kids used to rebel against Laura, Larry would step in with "Why you doing this to Mamma".

Most of the time Larry didn't know the ins and outs of daily life with 6 grandchildren running around, but he did always intervene when things got out of hand.

I remember a time when she got angry at us and told us all to live in the garage. So we made it our club house and we took her fancy pillows and blankets to sleep with. We didn't last an hour as we started to smell the food cooking and hunger set in. Years later we found out she watched us and every move we made in that garage. haha! We thought we were bad ass 8 year olds living on our own among cobwebs and old tools.  Laura knew better, she always did.

Laura gave up her fight with weight loss due to a hernia she developed and Larry learned to let Mama have her way.  They got older and sicker as they years went on, but she would always save hot food for poppa and he always brought her flowers. She would still cry like a young girl when he would stay out too late.
She would tell him Poppa your too old to stay out late come home before dark, O.K Momma he would reply never intending to listen to her. He wanted to be a Cowboy and She wanted to be a Debutante.

In the spring of 2013 Larry developed problems from a brain tumor that had been in his head for years but never did anything. The doctors said surgery wont accomplish much, So he did his thing until he was admitted into the hospital and passed away three days later. I held his hand, told him I loved him and watched as he left the world. He wasn't the best husband and father but as a grandfather he was amazing.

As we were preparing for Larry's Memorial dinner 3 weeks later, Laura developed the same symptoms Larry had and passed within a few days. I stayed with her as she was terrified of doctors and hospitals.
She was going in and out of reality and I would try to bring her back as often as I could. She was hallucinating and I would play along with her, where ever she was I wanted her to know I was with her.
The last thing I did to bring her back was ask her to tel me she loved me. It took two hours for me to get those three words from her and with a wink of her eye I knew she was there. After a few hours Laura left.

I do get teared up at times thinking about them, but I know it better for them to not be in pain anymore.
But I never actually cry. I cry because I know I have witnessed something so beautiful and that Love can over come time and space. I have seen this growing up watching Larry and Laura.
60 plus years and they couldn't last a month without each other.

My dad told the priest "They had the Perfect Love, Hate Relationship" and he was right.

Thanks for being amazing,
Laurie



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