Hello, My Beauties!
Well do I have an update and half for you! where do I begin, How do I begin? I guess I should start with the day before yesterday. I woke up and went running errands trying to figure out how I am going to keep a family of 4 clothed, fed and sheltered.
This didn't go so well as I didn't have a phone, got cut. So I had to keep returning home every hour or so to check on people and make some calls. When I finally called it a day I went home. I saw a paper from the electric company on the counter with a big X on it and the kids walking around like zombies suffering in torment without a internet connection.
So I looked at my husband and said something is wrong here and this has to end. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like there were two hands at my throat tightening with every second that passed by. We talked for a while and decided our relationship wasn't going to make it through this.
He is the most loving man I will ever meet, but sometimes love isnt enough. I could love you till I die, but that won't feed our kids. there have been times where I would pass on a meal to make sure the kids had enough.
I dont want to demonize him because he is not a demon, but maybe he is too good. Maybe he is to soft for this hard thing we call life. Whatever it is, I know we were both hurting each other as we were going.
We always said even in a box, if you read my previous post on relationships, you can see it here.
I have been very distracted and out of it, I dived into an MMORPG just to escape for a few hours a night. But once morning came that dred was there again, knowing that nothing is going to change and nothing is going to happen.
So, I decided that if I am going to be alone, I am literally going to be alone.
I truly feel everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for all of us, even though we don't see it at times, I still feel it.
I know some may say I am hateful or cold hearted for telling him to go, but sometimes hard choices need to be made for the greater good of everyone involved. I am truly starting to feel that maybe marriage isn't for me. Maybe I am to hard to live with, maybe I am too Me.
I am not upset with anything he did, I am more upset with the things he didn't do, maybe he can't and I am asking too much of him.
I got help from some family and I am starting over alone, I don't feel better, but I do feel I am on my way there. I just have to find me again and whoever she is I hope she likes blogging.
Yes, I have family to rant and vent to, but you guys have been here so long I don't think I can cannot tell you guys.
Thanks for Listening.
Have a great day, Stay Blessed :)
